Moving To Be With Somebody

I live in a very rural area. I’m talking about somewhere which has one bus an hour until 5pm. The nearest town is 18 miles away, but because of the country roads, it takes 20 minutes to get there.

I’m not particularly fond of where I live. I lived in a city when I went to university. I preferred it so much! There are so much more things to do. There are more people. There is much more of a nightlife. I could just pop to the cinema by walking with my friends. I could go to a bar and walk back. There was a more youthful atmosphere, unlike where I live which is more for older people.

My partner lives on the out-skirts of a major city. I mean that is what I dream of, the nice suburban area with travel links to a near-by city. The only issue I have is the drug scene around those parts. I’m not worried about myself, but I’m concerned about it when I would like to raise a family.

Me and my partner have had many arguments about our future dwelling. He is adamant that he wants to stay in the village in which he grew up. Which, as I have pointed out, a perfect location on paper for me. However, I asked for him to consider near-by areas (other villages close by), but he will not budge. His whole family live there, he has friends there and he feels safe there.

I have not got the same attachment to where I live. Me and my family moved around a lot because of my father’s career. We live 2 hours away from my other family members and visit regularly. Whereas, he has only ever lived in one village all of his life. His brother has not left and most of his school friends have stayed. He wants to stay in his village, whilst I want to move away from mine. With this in mind, I came to the conclusion that it is much better for me to move anyways. However, it does trouble me that if it came down to it, he would rather break up with me than move to any other area. I’m torn between me thinking that if he loved me then he wouldn’t have that attitude, and me understanding that he has a life there which is all has ever known and no matter how much he loves me, he cannot just start again somewhere else.

I am aware that I might love his village as much as he does if I lived there. Like I’ve said, it is more of a suburban location, which is exactly what I want. I have thought about my concerns regarding the drug scene and have come to the realisation that there are drugs everywhere. Especially now-a-days. If I do eventually decide to raise a family there, I will just have to educate my children as my mum did with me. Then, no matter how prevalent the drug scene is (some youth are making it become much more ‘normalised’), my children wouldn’t have the mentality and attitude to become a part of it. I also believe that the local school is not of a high standard, so I would make sure to enrol them in another school.

I know that I think a long time in the future, but I do want to maintain stability in my future life. Because I moved around as a kid, I don’t want to the same as an adult. If I move somewhere I want to always to be able to see a future there.

After much thought, I have decided to cave and agree with him. I have a lot less to lose by moving, whilst he has so much there. There are much better job opportunities where he lives and a great university near-by. I have heard of a lot of people moving to be with their partners, yet I still feel like I a chump. I am a stubborn person and I guess I feel like I lost, but that’s just my pride.

Do you think that he should love me enough to consider other places? Or, do you think that this is not about how much he loves me, but more about the fact that he has a concrete and happy life there?

Personally, I used to think the first which is why we had so many arguments about it. But, now I feel much more inclined to the second after reading some forums. I used to think love conquers all, but it doesn’t. You need to look  after yourself as an individual too.

That is why I have thought about a fallback plan. If anything goes wrong after I move there, then there is another village about 20 minutes away which I think is beautiful. So, I would never resent him for me moving and I would never just be stuck there either.

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