Something I have learnt over the last few months is that I have always been scared of being alone.
I have always had low self esteem, but I never realised the effect it has had on me as a person. I have come to realisation that I am so insecure that I become needy. I become almost obsessive, all because I don’t want to feel alone. But, the truth is, I will always fear being alone unless I become more confident within myself.
I have spent all my life making sure others are okay and supporting people through their ordeals. I haven’t really had time to focus on myself.
There are so many things I want to do, but I have been concerned about leaving my family or troubled by others opinions. I have suffered so much panic about letting people down that I had a break down last year.
I have decided I am going to just take more time for myself, focus more energy on achieving what I want to achieve, and put more effort into my own mental and physical health. I am going to start to enjoy my own company without relying on others. I am going to try and love myself without looking for confirmation elsewhere.
It’s time to become more independent. I have already started making plans to aid my future aspirations. I am even planning on moving out late next year to a place which is 3 hours away from my parents.
After 2 months, I am already feeling a lot more positive about myself and my future. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no where near as confident as I want to be, but I am making definite progress.
Just last night I completed and submitted my application for a postgraduate course. Unlike what others wanted, I have applied for a university which is a tad further away. I have also applied for a course which I want to do, not what others are encouraging me to do. It will be the first proper to step towards a career that I want to do, that I am passionate about.
Over the last two weeks I have secured one work experience placement and am in the midst of finding another. I feel a lot more happy with my current situation and less negative about my ability to progress. Productivity really does pay off!
So, if you are like I was, in a deep hole of sorrow about your life’s situation, then take action to get out of it. If it is about you not being able to find a job, email various companies asking for work experience (the worst they can do is not reply or just say no). If it is about your finances, seek help from a charity (e.g. Citizen’s Advice), or ask for help from family (yes it is not a nice feeling, but if you are confident you will be able to pay it back, then it is the most sensible option). If it is about your job, then start looking for a new one or volunteer at weekends to gain skills in other areas of work. If it is about your grades, study more frequently, or hire a tutor, or find better ways of studying.
For every negative, there are positive things you can do in order to help yourself. All it takes is determination and self motivation to make those steps.
Stay Positive Guys!!