Trying To Make My Mum Proud

Last night was strange. My mum has always supported me throughout my life and given me her full belief. Last night was different.

I have already been accepted onto a postgraduate course starting this September. I have chosen a different subject to my previous studies because I am totally uninterested in a career in that area. I’ve explained it all in a previous post linked here.

My mum, completely out of the blue, asked me to defer my place for a year. I have already spent a year out of studies, so I was baffled. She said she thought it best that I get a job for a year and then study part-time.

That would take 3 years as opposed to 1. Which I am not very positive about. It would take me a lot longer to finish the course and I would not have the time to gain any experience within my chosen field, because I’d be too busy working. So, I would get stuck in a local dead end job. All my studies would be wasted and my ambitions crushed.

She then said, well you could defer, work for a year and then do the course full time. I said that I didn’t understand the point in it as I would just be putting it off for a year.

I do have a decent-ish job lined up at the moment. The issue is that it is not the career I wish to go into. It is a labour job, rather than a challenging one. It is good money, but I don’t want to be stuck living in the area near my parents in a laborious job with little future prospects.

I want to write. I want to have a job where I can be creative and enjoy going into work. I’m not as bothered by the grand salaries. I just want to enjoy my job.

My mum told me that she was scared that if I pass up this job I would finish the course and end up in a labour job that is little money. I accept that this is a possibility. I may end up working in a fast food chain or as a shop assistant. But, surely, isn’t it better to try to achieve your dreams than not try at all?

I am planning on getting as much voluntary experience as possible during my postgraduate course. I know my issue at undergrad was not gaining experience within my field. I won’t make that mistake again.

She then said that she couldn’t financially support me if I were to not get a job after graduating. I understand this, but I have income throughout my course. After my course, I could get a loan if needs be. I believe that if I work really hard and gain as much experience as possible that I will get a job in my chosen sector. It is not impossible. The only reason I was so stuck before was because I didn’t want a career in my subject area.

I felt like she did not believe in me. She had lost hope in my future success and she was begging me to settle for a local job. She said that wasn’t the case, she’s just scared that these recruiters won’t pick me because they’re idiots.

My mum is becoming more and more worried about me because of my mental breakdown last year. I feel that no matter what I do, she’ll worry. I think she thinks she’s doing right by me by trying to prevent me from experiencing failure. But, I would rather try and fail, than give up. Otherwise, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Plus, I really don’t want to live where my parents are anymore. It is in the middle of nowhere, my parents argue constantly, and I get treated like a child. My mum worries too much about me. My dad shouts at me for barely anything. It’s worse than when I was younger because at least my brother was here. Now they only have me in the house to target. So, I want to spend as little time getting myself together as possible.

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