Long Distance Relationship

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over 3 years. We met  in the first year at University. Since graduating, we both moved back home which happens to be about 3 hours drive from one another.

We graduated nearly a year ago now and our long distance relationship continues, not without its challenges. We broke up in October last year, or should I say he broke up with me. We both said some horrible things. Things I think we both regret. But, the point is we broke up, I went to a really low point. I didn’t get out of bed for nearly two weeks. It was not something I would like to revisit.

However, weeks later, we decided to restart over and see how things go by going on some dates. It went really well. As time has gone on I think he has become more certain of our relationship, whilst I have become more confused.

He’s realised that I am a positive influence on him, but I actually think he is a negative one on me. He is irresponsible, unorganised and relies heavily on me to make any arrangements for us to see one another.

I would eventually want to move away to another place and live with a partner. But, I don’t think he would ever want to leave where his parents live. He has severe Depression and Anxiety and he has a history of addiction. He has been clean for over a year so I don’t see that as problem because he is dealing with it. However, I do have a problem if he would never move away. He has been applying for jobs further away from where he lives, but when he applies for them I think that he believes there is no chance he’ll succeed. It merely makes it look like he is trying.

During the last two months I have felt quite distant. I have took more control over my life and am trying to concentrate on bettering myself. Because of this, I think I have drifted from him. I don’t check my phone as often as I did to see if he has messaged me. I don’t suggest skype sessions any more, he does. I don’t put off going to bed just because I want to talk to him a bit longer, now I just tell him I’m tired. I don’t rearrange plans with other people just to see him. There are lots of things that have changed about me and our relationship.

I like the independence I now have. I feel like I no longer need to live on his approval. I feel more in control of my feelings and my life in general. Although I love my new found strength and independence, I’m scared that I am losing my feelings towards him. I don’t know if this is how you are after being in a relationship for a long time, or if I’m starting to not care.

It has been over a month since we last saw one another. I think I’m going to try and see him more often so I can figure out how I’m really feeling. Long distance relationships are difficult, and if you don’t know when it will no longer be long distance its even more difficult.

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